Story time.


I was an alcoholic in high school. Well, that's what they said about me. I went to a private Christian school in Maryland where it was common practice for the faculty to "investigate" rumors they heard about the students. "There was a party at Jane's house this weekend? With alcohol? We'd better call an assembly and interrogate the students. Lord KNOWS what kind of damage was done to their souls." I drank maybe once or twice a month, which is probably half of what normal kids did. My vice wasn't drinking too much; it was being really bad at getting away with it (or really good at getting caught.) By senior year, I was having regular chats with the administration about my "alcohol problem."

For spring break of senior year, my family and a couple other families went on a cruise to Mexico together. Justin was one of my closest friends, and he had a girlfriend named Lindsay. Both of their families went on the cruise. Justin and I snuck some tequila shots when our parents weren't looking, and that fact mysteriously made it back to our principal once we were back in the states. I was effectively kicked out of student government because Lindsay, it turns out, thought something was going on between Justin and me and got her revenge by telling on me for drinking in Mexico. Good thing she's such a good Christian.

Fast forward 4 years. Last night, Justin called me. He was in Maryland on fall break and had gone to a party. A few minutes after he got there, some guys come downstairs looking for "The guy who just came in- some kid named Justin who made the girl upstairs cry."

The girl upstairs was Lindsay's little sister. She was crying because she was drunk, and because Justin "ruined" her sister's life by cheating on Lindsay with me four years ago.

This story is humorous for several reasons.

1) Justin and I have never, ever been more than just friends. Nothing happened in Mexico except illicit tequila shots and ridiculous souvenir purchases.
2) Lindsay's sister, who was driven to drunken hysterics by the sight of Justin, is underage. Nineteen, I believe.
3) I got Justin kicked out of a party in 2006 for something that didn't happen in 2003.

I'm glad my legacy is still going strong.

Justin summed it up nicely in an IM earlier today:

Justin (5:25:00 PM): ...what a loser, i can't believe i had an affair with you
Justin (5:25:38 PM): actually, i feel powerful knowing i've had such an impact on people's lives
Justin (5:26:30 PM): i mean hell, if i don't even do anything and girls' little sisters are still traumatized four years later, imagine what i could do if i TRIED to mess people up
Justin (5:26:36 PM): thats power

Justin could rule the world one day, and I'll still be riding his coattails.