"Bill, I'm whoever you want me to be."

-- Stephen Colbert on The O'Reilly Factor the other night. The two men were guests on each other's shows on the same night. Some other memorable quotes:

Colbert: "You know what I hate about people who criticize you?"
O'Reilly: "What?"
Colbert: "They...they criticize what you say, but they never give you credit for how loud you say it."
O'Reilly: "That's true. There are not many people as loud as me."
Colbert: "Or how long you say it."

Here's O'Reilly on Colbert's show, and here's Colbert on O'Reilly's.