Monday, October 06, 2008

Mass Emails Will Never Let You Down

Email # 1:
After happily mooching off of my neighbor's wireless internet for the last two months, I unfortunately have to sign up for wireless internet.

Comcast is trying to get me to pay 60 bucks a month plus 150 to install. Does anyone know a cheaper way?


Email # 2:

There's a way that you can purchase the internet on 5 densely packed CDs for the low price of 3 installment payments of $89.99 + $2.99 S/H. While there's some initial overhead involved, you basically get to keep the internet forever, so I would say that it's a pretty good investment. Plus it's super fast! I invested in these CDs two year back, and while I don't have access to a lot of news stories that people talk about everyday, I still love it.

Let me know if you're interested.


Email # 3:

I don't know if this will be cheaper or not (with the current gas prices), but I would drive around in my underwear looking for houses with wifi. Then, I'd park in front of the house literally all day. Occasionally, I'd get out and do some calisthenics (in my underwear, of course) to keep the blood flowing. Once the people get home, you have to book it or the cops get called. But then, you just move on to a different house for the evening shift (at night it's harder for the people to realize that, yes, you are the same car that has been parked out front for 8 hours). But, again, I don't know if it's worth it with the current gas prices.

Email # 4:
In response to your plea for help from the wisdom of the crowds (or me, specifically), I have a suggestion. When faced with an impending consumer decision, I pride myself on thorough research to arrive at the most cost-effective and efficient solution to my needs. I'm glad you have chosen to be so dililgent, as well. In my efforts, I usually consult many resources to assess my options as a thrifty shopper. Lately, I've resorted to what people are calling the "information superhighway," the "world-wide web," or the "Internets." But, if you choose to conduct your research in the same way, keep in mind that the "Internet" is not something that you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. Just the other day, someone sent me an Internet but I didn't get it until today. You know why? Because all these people are sending Internets to everyone, asking for advice on how to research things like consumer decisions. But, I wish you the best of luck in your never-ending quest for the best value. Good night, and good luck.

Email # 5:
I don't know if this will help you find free internet, but it's help me out of a number of jams.

Picture attached: (Click to make it larger.)

Email # 6:


I think this might help you better than that flow chart.

Im never gone let you down.

[Anybody know why the font size changes and won't change back when I do longer posts? None of blogger's editing tools are working to make the text normal-sized, and I guess I'm getting the html wrong. Sorry about it for now, but I'll figure it out soon.]

1 comment:

Guy Fawkes said...

You probably forgot a <, >, /, or " somewhere in the html. Another common thing is simply putting the wrong letter in a bad spot via typo or losing track of what you're doing on that particular line. Obviously, this all depends on how you write code, but those are generally the most common ways this happens.

Here's a brilliant anecdote. I attempted to enter a couple of my most common errors in this very comment just to give some examples, and the PERFECTLY GRAMMATICAL ENGLISH SENTENCE that I wrote ended up being an html statement because it had a " at each end with the letter "a" in a word in the sentence. It would not post because Blogger said "Your HTML cannot be accepted: Tag is not allowed:..."